This entry is almost comical, considering that my brother turns 18 today Birthday celebrating. But somehow it shows my state of mind but more than good.
On Saturday I was with Pupa and her son. We had assumed that I would soon be 24 years young.
I said: "24 years ... and yet achieved nothing." She was outraged. But somehow it's true and feels like that.
She also asked me what would be my biggest wish.
Me: "would that I had never been born ... Nein, halt! Dass ich nicht mal erzeugt worden wäre… Oder noch besser: gar nie geplant!“ Auch hier schnappte sie fassungslos nach Luft.
Aber es stimmt. Nichts ist momentan grösser, als dieser Wunsch. Und ich war einfach nur ehrlich.
Andererseits ist es wirklich krass, wie fest ich meinen Lebenswillen durch meine momentane Arbeitssituation und –losigkeit ausmache. War, bin und werde nicht die Erste und Letzte sein, die ohne jegliches Einkommen (nicht einmal Sozialhilfe (lasse aber dahingestellt, ob ich wirklich beantragen würde, könnte I)). Actually, I need have no fear: my parents support me. Everybody tells me that I can not help it, because I regularly and consistently apply. My friends tell me that I did not change me as a man, only my current situation.
I think it's the attitude of the Swiss. Such values \u200b\u200b(only work with you is worth something!) Are taught from a young one, what is also true. But still ... It feels not good.
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