Der heutige Tag hat mich mehr als nur ein paar Nerven gekostet. Und ich weiss nicht mehr, wo mir der Kopf steht. Zudem scheint es mir so, als würde mich niemand verstehen wollen. Vor allem meine Einzeltherapeutin nicht…
Aber dazu ein andermal, ich habe einfach keinen Bock, mich damit auseinanderzusetzen. Ich verfalle in total alte Muster und verdränge einfach alles. Nun ja, es meinen alle in meinem Umfeld, ich wäre doch soooo viel weiter, als ich meinen würde und ich mir nicht so den Kopf darüber zerbrechen soll, weil ich so viel gelernt habe in der Zwischenzeit, dass mir diese Befürchtung not happen (that I just totally fell into old patterns) would be ... But this sentence can not understand her, needed her to a post on this subject (as indicated above).
In business today, was a huge upheaval, I had to keep my ears open everywhere and meet all his needs, speak, listen first time and explore what they want at all to me. Menno, at my record you know, what about me. 'm Totally confused.
One department had a training all day today. The phones had to answer, of course we do. There is help, that it is a very important and often looking department. Should still be able, as a representative or attempting this! Well, let it be again. It's just struck me that this important hub more than "grusig is. In my bathroom is "wet" toilet rings and noticed next to the sink on the surface was a huge puddle that someone wanted to wipe up because he was probably too lazy. In addition, the container for the wipes issue has gone this afternoon .... comical as * grml *.
The machine has also suffered. Do you think someone has come up with the idea that dirty Surface to clean again? Nope!
addition, someone came to copy a large amount of paper. Suddenly, the printer had a jam. I heard the beautiful sounds weird, but said nothing. Just wanted to see me, how does the lady. She was launched in earnest just passed me and she was about to rush off! Then she realized that she was missing something and was forced back to me and said: "The copier takes a funny message ... I do not know what he has." Ideally I would have imitated them, the stupid cow! What is this? No hesitation learned or what? Well, I then snapped together.
But this is not all ....
It's really dangerous when I am so angry. Most of all I would then like to fiddle a United employee opinion. Not bad meant, of course. It is actually quite a love, we understand that. But somehow I still often feel that they like from the phone service suppressed. They will search again and again small tasks ("go fill up at the two small fridges, so it goes on Monday!") To escape the terror phone simple. We have a Riesenkühlschrank, in dem alles reinpasst! Anfangs dachte ich ja noch, sie meint es nur gut, aber eine weitere Mitarbeiterin hat meinen Verdacht bestätigt und sieht es gleich.
Am schlimmsten ist es jedoch, wenn ich mich im Stich gelassen fühle. Diese Woche hatte die zweite Mitarbeiterin (die gleicher Meinung ist wie ich und mit der ich eigentlich die engste Verbindung habe) das Catering, sprich: die Sitzungszimmer einräumen, ausräumen und betreuen. Am Empfang war viel los, es liefen Menschen von rechts nach links und das Telefon klingelte fast ununterbrochen. Es war schwierig, sich da noch auf die eingegangenen Mails und die Korrespondenz zu konzentrieren (müssen edit due to a short-term rule, each day at the 180 letters (zusätzlich!!), print and pack). What does it do? Go smoke a Zigi! I notice every time down the jaw ... And then I feel all the stress alone omitted. Did not have time until it is again a bit quieter? Also, I do not like stressful or annoying customers on the phone, but that's why I put it but not now! This is now time to our job, what we do because do? Can not let it just run the tape!
Well, at least I'm not alone with the opinion.
The best thing happened to me but this evening after work when I got home, I looked from afar Giovanni in the parking lot and how he balanced a bag from the car. So he was gone, I had honestly not seen for some time.
I do not have, what came over me, but somehow I could not escape even from a distance his eyes, I looked somewhat normal. And he stared back just stupid. I always said to me, "Zambrotta T, let be! Otherwise, he still says, "He stared ahead anyway. I bit my lower lip nervously and wondered strictly about whether to ignore him or to greet politely. I chose the latter. I do not know who made the "first step", but I know for sure that I "Ciao" and he "Hoi" said. And I'm sure I've seen from the perspective that he is (as I had passed on him) has turned around and I nachgeguckt.
And I was really furious. Most of all I would have gone to him and had said: "What? What have you to tell me? How bad do I look? My ugly, grim face is bothering you? Why am I such a black thick and dark circles under the eyes have? Why do I always stand in front of the platform and I just wonder what if I was going to just jump? As the people were annoyed because I lay paralyzed the traffic? What, WHAT? "
Yes, I am full of anger, despair and hatred. About myself. My diagnosis. My professional career. My doom, the step nearer, my future and my fears are reflected recurring financial problems. About my environment. About my therapist. In that all think I am on the right track and that I should not worry about a relapse. I'm soooo a decent girl and adaptive. I do not do so.
If there is not even deceive.
I let it be for today. For now I do nothing, except play Sims. And tomorrow I write down my anger in a novel. I've made up my mind to write a new story. And this time I finish it.
Oh, PS: Did I mention that I now feel this way * * grml?
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