… und doch fühlt es sich nie wirklich „richtig“ an.
Mein „Stimmungslied“ für this entry:
I do not know whether I'm coming or going. And yes, it continues with this man I'm totally confused and off the track.
On the one hand, we have this huge desire. This desire for closeness, affection, and more.
And on the other hand, since my old patterns of behavior. This fear and tension exactly this closeness and tenderness. When it comes to have contact with a man ...
I mean, I'm on the train never sit next to a man, I then immediately to the last fiber of my body am tense. As things go on in me (negative), which from then on I just can not control.
Or even worse: a man sits down voluntarily to me! With my husband I type in my age (so from 18 to 40). Once a man to "me" joins (either in the main with my colleagues or so), I am now totally hooked and do not make a sound anymore. I do not speak, may come across even totally arrogant. I would prefer to leave to run away, drop everything and stand. It I always visibly uncomfortable.
Every time I think that will never penetrate a man to me and my affairs. The must have a lot of patience and understanding. Let me time. Urge me not, but accept it but when I look around again. And maybe he has to tell me several times a day that I'm good really as I am.
Sure, I've made since 2009 much progress, but in terms of men I am not at all on. And I think this will not change until I get to know the right man for me. But if that someone is voluntarily join? I do not think so.
And I'm a sweet girl with a golden character. Aside from a few quirks totally normal. Now and then there are difficult times, but I know BPD, which are much harder than I do. Since I am a "Normalo" next to it.
I do not ...
How Seastorm says: you should really even a word with this person competent to speak that I do not begrudge my luck (no matter whether in love or generally in my life).
On the other hand, I would allow it to come closer to a man? I dream that is already expected to find the man for life and spend my life with him. As Muddi and Babbo. I really do not feel like going to a back and forth
Hach, this guy is not me out of my head. It's not as if I were in love ... but I think he's still attractive. If so here is he? I do not know. I just know that I often have history of challenging the first step and was disappointed to have the worst one. This I have always referred to me and my body, I will do that today. And have no desire to make accessible the first step.
On the other hand, I see all of our things in common: no alcohol, no cigarettes ... and he is always near me. In one picture he is standing behind me, sees me, but we have EXACTLY the same facial expressions and body posture. In her right hand a deep orange juice and the left hand in his pocket ... We have seen at this event for the first time ... Can it be there that is interested in me now? Without exchange of words, nothing! Hardly, or?
On the other hand, I see all of our things in common: no alcohol, no cigarettes ... and he is always near me. In one picture he is standing behind me, sees me, but we have EXACTLY the same facial expressions and body posture. In her right hand a deep orange juice and the left hand in his pocket ... We have seen at this event for the first time ... Can it be there that is interested in me now? Without exchange of words, nothing! Hardly, or?
car one last time? Yes or no?
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