I have received by mail last week and Friday an invitation for an interview.
It would be a job with the municipality in the register office. Around here, everything sounds very great and spannend.
Einzig: es wären 80 Prozent, die ich arbeiten müsste und zudem muss ich eine Schulung machen, um das Patent auch zu erhalten.
Naja... Ich zweifle stark daran, ob ich dies bei diesem Pensum schaffen kann und werde. Klar, ich will arbeiten und ja, ich will auch mein Pensum langsam erhöhen und ja, die Tätigkeit fand ich schon während der Lehrzeit sehr schön.... aber ich glaube, eine Zambrottagirlie packt dies nicht.
Stehe ich mir selbst im Weg? Und wenn ja, dann bin ich einfach nicht zur richtigen Time in the right place. I think more and more, destiny does not mean it is good to me and I was actually born in the wrong purely Äera.
It hurts, I do not trust myself to stop. It hurts to see himself anywhere else in the future.
But I've never experienced anything other than all these doubts? Can one not understand that it's enough for me slow?
I see less and less somewhere in this society. And honestly, how can I ever stand on its own?
Sure, everyone has their misfortunes ... but I'm so tired of being me. I miss my old self, my self with 14 to 17 or 19 This life without self-doubt. I found myself somewhat attractive, had plenty of hair on the head and other trappings of me not seem to be bothered.
man man man, I only had enough money, but I do not even make it.
I'm wondering more and more, whether it be better for me (and my environment) would be to wave the white flag. It has nothing to do with selfishness or to do so. It's enough for me somehow more and less and less something keeps me stuck here. I find myself just repulsive, disgusting and something of no use.
I am full of self hatred. I'm angry. I could all beat up. All go to the wall. Hair pulling. Scream. Toben. Cursing. Wines. Despair.
But running the decent Zambrotta Girlie through the area. Why? Why am I wearing that mask and show the people do not really how I feel? How do I really see?
Mein (e) mood song (s):
PS: I often hear music of Tiësto. Not really my genre, but if it is a really shitty, you can auspowern so great (only just run, run, run), be angry or write such messages. And yes, you can always continue to increase in situations of pure, but whatever.
This is my favorite song by DJ Tiësto (and here I post something intimate to you: namely, what I imagine when I hear this song ... A woman who runs on the tracks and the chorus seems a train recorded from the dark with flash light, which they followed up. No, they will never * * macabre laugh! Whether I abhaben a shot, how it looks more and more, but yes no one will see and want to believe no. Zambrotta Girlie babbles "just" rather further from nervous breakdown, etc. If anything has to happen, * not * Girlie Zambrotta sarcastic gröhl):
Ebenfalls ein tolles Lied (um eure, wie auch meine Nerven zu beruhigen):
Ich weiss nicht, ob ich mich über diesen Eintrag entschuldigen soll oder nicht. Habe lange überlegt, ihn so zu veröffentlichen oder ihn einfach wieder zu löschen.
Aber es käme der Verleugnung gleich. Ich bin nun mal so, ich kann es auch nicht mehr ändern. Und ich bin ja sonst immer decent and reserved. And the blog serves me somehow as Stressabbauf and "trash" for all the thoughts, moods, feelings, etc. ..
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